Don't make me go to the post office

and other January things

There are a couple things in this world I really hate doing: returning things and making doctor appointments.¹ Today we’re going to talk about the first.

I ordered something online (as you do) and when it didn’t fit I put it back in the box and put in my closet to forget about for a few weeks until my return window was almost up (as you do.) I finally do the return process online, print out the label, package it back up and take it out to the mail box.

Except it doesn’t fit in the mail box.

Ok, it’s fine. This is fine. I’ll just take it to the post office.

But I don’t.

Instead I let it sit a few more days, and then I take it on our road trip to Colorado, because I will absolutely be driving by some posts offices and can just drop it off then.

Nope, don’t do that either.

It makes the whole round trip in the back of the car under the suitcases.

Then we get back it sits in the house a few more days taunting me before I realize I could just put it in a smaller box that will fit in the mail box.

I AM A GENIUS.

January was unusually cold here and for our first winter back in a part of the country that gets cold, it was a little bit of a shock to the system.² But I did enjoy the snow and getting to wear chunky sweaters.

Other highlights include:

• some of our best friends from Florida came for a visit and that felt like warm day at the beach

• we used the fireplace a lot and I am convinced that if everyone took a little post-yoga nap in front of the fire, the world be be a much better place

• I survived fourth grade rec basketball

• I wrote three poems, THREE you guys, this month.

Issue 9 of Part-Time Poets is out and I think it’s our best work yet, if I do say so myself.

This is my poem from the issue:

February 1, 2024 5:39 p.m.

Let me tell you how it ends

it ends in loss, death, brown piles of decay

that leaf you crushed under 

your boot and watched the wind carry away

gone

just like that belief you crumpled up and dropped 

into the gutter last week 

you want a happy ending, an easy button, a fast forward option 

but you can’t skip this part 

you’re stripped bare now 

there’s nothing left to hide behind

it’s going to get colder and darker

so no, I’m not going to give you a fairy tale 

that leaf is 

gone

but something new, something different is

waiting

so watch for that first sign of green 

for the unfurling 

slowly, painfully at first

and then 

and then

And, in case you missed it, here are my three noticing poems from the month:

Let’s do some links!

• This poem by Olivia Murphy.

• This sarcastic and hilarious “How I Grew my Substack” post.

• If you want some wide leg sweats that will make your joggers jealous.

• Trying to cut down on your phone usage? Rebecca’s essay might help.

• If you need a new office chair that is kind to your old bones.

• “What makes a poem? A poem does. And what a poem does makes a poem. And what you do with a poem makes a poem.”

• And finally, this essay by

  Callie R. Feyen
  (the way she personifies the humidity…holy sh*t that’s some good stuff.)

1. No, I do not want to call you. This is 2024, for the love of God.

2. Figuratively and literally. The first night of negative temps the heater stoped working and we woke up to a balmy 58 degrees in the house. $200 later we learned all we had to do was switch the thermostat to emergency heat. (Blink, blink.) Also, like, what do you do with the children when it’s negative degrees and there is no school and you can’t just kick them outside??